You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize