You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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