Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
