So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
