Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
