I faked an abortion last night.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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