he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
