My first STD was from a foam party
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm getting married
To pizza
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
