I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
