Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
