Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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