It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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