I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
