R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
