You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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