You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
