the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
