you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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