But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
