Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
