do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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