okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
