Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
