We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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