Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
