I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
