Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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