Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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