it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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