So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
