Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
