so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
