..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
