Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
