9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
