I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
