best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The adults are the big ones right?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
