She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
