I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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