You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
