those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
