There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
