In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Randomize