he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
