WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
