I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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