Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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