In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize