i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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