chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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