It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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