i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
