Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
