So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There r osticjed everywhere
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
