They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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