I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
