sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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