i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
