He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
