You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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