I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
