Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
