another moral hangover. fuck.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
