On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
