Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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