question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
