I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
