i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
