Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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