I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
