Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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