Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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