I CAN MOONWALK!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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