I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
