The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
