just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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