I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
